Plato
For the greater good.
Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
Hippocrates
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Timothy Leary
Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams
Forty-two.
Nietzsche
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North
National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung
Confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle
To actualize its potential.
Buddha
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken – nature.
Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Darwin
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Epicurus
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume
Out of custom and habit.
Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?
Keats
Philosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.
Freud
The fact that you care why the chicken crossed the road denotes a strong feeling of sexual insecurity in you.